Wearable Technology


– HOW MANY OF YOU
CONSIDER YOURSELF TECHIES? [cheers and applause] [laughter] ME NEITHER. AND HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW
ABOUT WEARABLE TECHNOLOGY? [scattered applause] YEAH. SO… ME NEITHER. [laughter] SO WEARABLE TECHNOLOGY
IS BECOMING A HUGE TREND. YOU KNOW,
THERE’S GOOGLE GLASSES. YOU’VE HEARD ABOUT THEM. THEY’RE THE GLASSES
THAT THEY PUT THE INTERNET RIGHT IN YOUR FACE SO YOU CAN LITERALLY GOOGLE
THE WEATHER WHILE YOU’RE WALKING
INTO A TREE. AND THEY HAVE
THESE NIKE FUELBANDS THAT THEY’RE BRACELETS AND THEY TELL YOU HOW MANY STEPS
THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN. AND THERE ARE
THESE SMARTWATCHES. THEY’RE SO MUCH BETTER
THAN THE STUPID WATCHES. AND THE POINT–I MEAN,
THE POINT I’M MAKING IS, THIS STUFF IS TAKING OFF
LIKE CRAZY, AND I WANT TO GET ON BOARD
WITH THE TREND, AND SO I TOOK
A TON OF MY OWN MONEY, LIKE $43, AND I INVENTED SOME
WEARABLE TECHNOLOGY OF MY OWN. AND I’D LIKE TO SHOW YOU
WHAT IT IS RIGHT NOW. ALL RIGHT, SO FIRST WE HAVE
AMY RIGHT HERE. [cheers and applause] AMY LOOKS LIKE SHE’S JUST
WEARING A REGULAR OLD FANNY PACK THAT YOUR OLDER AUNT
MIGHT WEAR AT DISNEYLAND. BUT IT’S NOT JUST
A REGULAR FANNY PACK. LOOK AT THIS. IT’S TOAST. [cheers and applause] THAT’S WHAT IT IS. OH, SURE, YOU CAN KEEP ALMONDS
IN YOUR PURSE AS A SNACK, OR YOU CAN MAKE
PIPING HOT TOAST ON YOUR HIP. YOU TELL ME WHAT’S BETTER. AND AMY’S HEADBAND–
YOU SEE THIS HEADBAND? IT’S NOT A HEADBAND. IT’S BUTTER. [laughter] MMM, YUMMY. THAT’S GREAT. [cheers and applause] GOOD?
– MM-HMM. – WANT SOME MORE? YOU SURE?
– [chuckling] – WANT SOME MORE? MOVING ON.
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. AND WE HAVE ANDY HERE. ANDY. [cheers and applause] IT LOOKS LIKE ANDY’S JUST
WEARING REGULAR BLUE JEANS. RIGHT?
WRONG. ANDY, TURN AROUND. ANDY… [laughter] IT LOOKS LIKE A REGULAR BUTT,
BUT IT’S NOT. LOOK AT THIS. IT IS BLU-RAY BLUE JEANS. [laughter and applause] YOU PUT IT IN.
TURN AROUND, ANDY. [laughter] [cheers and applause] LOOK AT THAT. [cheers and applause continues] IT’S A REAL-LIFE BOOB TUBE. [laughter] HA-HA. HA. ALL RIGHT. LET’S SAY YOU WANT
TO JUST KICK BACK AND WATCH A MOVIE
BUT YOU’RE THIRSTY. NO PROBLEMO. THIS IS MY PATENTED BLENDER HAT. IT’S A BLENDER ON A HAT. – UH-OH. UH-OH. – [laughs] [laughter] – OH, WELL.
IT WORKS PERFECT, PEOPLE. DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT. [laughter] YOU JUST KEEP WORKING
ON THAT, OKAY? UH, WELL,
IT WOULD BE LIKE THAT. ALL RIGHT, THANKS, ANDY. AND NOW WE HAVE LAUREN. NOW, LAUREN, WE KNOW THAT SHE’S
NOT NORMALLY THIS PERKY. [laughter] GUESS WHAT. THIS ISN’T
YOUR TYPICAL CONE BRA. YOU KNOW WHAT THESE ARE? [audience exclaims] crunch! [cheers and applause] MMM.
CRUNCHY. THAT STARTED TO COME OFF. THAT’S A GOOD JOB, LAUREN. MMM. JUST GIVE UP, ANDY.
DON’T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT. [laughter] NOW, THE SKIRT
THAT LAUREN IS WEARING LOOKS LIKE A REGULAR MINISKIRT,
BUT IT’S NOT. IT’S CALLED THE MINIFREEZE. WATCH WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU HIT THIS BUTTON. [cheers and applause] [laughing] IT’S ALSO AN ICE DISPENSER. [laughter] YOU’RE NOT GETTING THIS
ANYWHERE ELSE IN DAYTIME. [laughter] HOW’S IT WORKING?
– THAT’S GREAT. [cheers and applause] [laughter and applause] LET’S FACE IT. IT’S GROSS WHEN PEOPLE
REACH INTO YOUR FREEZER AND GRAB ICE. THIS IS SO MUCH MORE SANITARY. THANK YOU, LAUREN, SO MUCH, AND YOU’RE WELCOME, WORLD. AND NOW LET’S CELEBRATE
MY BRILLIANT IDEAS WITH A DANCE, SHALL WE?

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