This candy is ILLEGAL now | Fortnitely News #3 | Riley J. Dennis


Hi everyone, my name is Riley and welcome
to Fortnitely News, the show where, every two weeks, I talk about stuff that’s
going on in the world and try not to die. 100 people are going to land on an
island, only one can live, and it probably won’t be me, but we’re gonna try anyway.
Okay, let’s — how far away can I possibly get from everyone like Flush Factory,
yeah, we’re gonna go way out there cause the only way I’m gonna live through this,
while also talking about all the news that’s going on world, is by not fighting
anyone. And by all of the news that’s going on in the world, I mean a lot of
cute fun fluffy news because the world is depressing a lot of the time. So the
first thing I want to talk about while we’re making our way over there is this
amazing floofy cat who just stands on his hind legs, his name is Bruno, and
apparently he’s super high maintenance and has this like long list of things that
he requires, and he finally got adopted. It says he needs to be pet during meal
times not have his tummy touched and that his water never be placed anywhere
near his food. I love this cat so much and I’ve never even met it. But just look
at how it sits with its little paws up, it’s so precious. I cannot wait until I have
pets they’re gonna be wearing all sorts of ridiculous clothes, they’ll be sitting
up, hopefully, however it works out I will love and cherish my animals. Okay we are
super far away from everyone so this should give us some time to get some
materials. The next thing I saw that happened over the last couple weeks is
that this Facebook page tried to get a bunch of people to chop onions and look
I’m not — I’m not a cook — I’m not a great cook. I figured a lot of stuff out on my
own and so I did a lot of stuff wrong. My girlfriend can attest to this, but I at
least I feel like I know how to dice an onion, like not really well, I’m not like
one of those chefs who’s out here like chopping things ridiculously fast or
whatever, but I can chop an onion. What were some of the people in this — like
what were they doing. I don’t understand. They were just kind of like throwing it
around they were like chopping it with the outside bit still on like I — I don’t
understand how you do that. But look I get it I’ve done some equally ridiculous things
while cooking that my girlfriend and other people have just been like how — how
did you make it this far in life without that life skill? But there’s finally a
cooking thing that I can feel superior about so here I am. Also I saw this video
of this guy who stopped in the middle the street to
get a turtle out of the street and then took it over
to the side and let it out and all the cars were just stopped waiting for this
turtle like I don’t know where this took place but why would the turtle be out
there like I’ve seen deer or like some other animals I can take I could get
like a rabbit maybe but a turtle like what does it think it’s doing — what, what
hope does it have of getting across this massive road as slow as turtles move, but
you know what good on the person for taking the turtle to the other side. We love a cute little story about a person saving a turtle, but like knowing
my luck, right after I talk about this someone in the comments is gonna be like,
“Yeah well actually it kills turtles when you save them from walking to the other
side.” Okay I’m kind of far away from the circle but I think we’ll have time. I just wanna find like some balloons or something that can help me out, you know.
Fortnite introduced balloons and they’re the best thing, if I can just
find some, oh we got a rift, that’s close enough, that’ll do. Okay ended up finding
some balloons actually, which is really good, and I’m gonna need to use them cause
the storm is coming. So five balloons will just take you all the way up to max
height, which is a great, and then we can just paraglide over to the circle and be
fine, and I can use those rift to get out of any sticky situations, we should be
okay. I’m soaring, flying. Okay, on a more serious note apparently this last season —
last flu season — at least in America, was like one of the deadliest on record, so
if you haven’t gone accident yet, please get vaccinated, it could save your life
or at least save you from being very very ill. The flu is a serious thing and
you need to be protected from it. So please just get vaccinated for your own
safety and the safety of those around you. Okay not a perfect bush but not a
terrible bush either. So the next thing I want to talk about is my friend Stevie
came out as disabled because she was finally able to get a diagnosis for a
bunch of symptoms that she’s been having for like a long long time and she made a
really great video about it, and I would highly recommend you go watch it because
it will teach you a lot about disability, and she recommends some other really
great disabled activists in her video, and it’s just lovely and should be like
required watching for everyone. I keep thinking I’m hearing someone and then
I’m not, I think we’re okay in this bush for now. But she then started a whole
dialogue about how doctors had been like playing down her symptoms and not
listening to her for so long and how for people with EDS — ehlers-danlos syndrome —
it can be really hard for them to get — get a diagnosis so I just think
especially if you’re abled and like don’t know about any of the stuff that
it could be really helpful for you to learn about that. Facebook apparently is
building an app called lasso that’s supposed to be a
competitor to musical.ly or like Tik Tok now I guess. If you remember
musical.ly it’s like the app that kids like lip-sync to on. And I feel like such
an old person right now because it just seems like such a youth thing to me like
I’ve never been on musical.ly I have no plans to go on musical.ly but I know that
like tons of kids are there, and I’m just like oh god I’m getting old to the point
where like I don’t know the apps that the young people are using, so that’s a
scary thought, but then some company bought musical.ly and now it’s called
tik tok but Facebook is building a competitor called lasso and I have about zero hope for this app. Facebook has made a bunch of like other small
apps that tried to take over snapchat and other things, and they’ve just never
worked. Rhe only thing that really worked for taking over snapchat was when they
just put stories into Instagram. Also now they’re putting stories into Messenger
which they could really chill with. They’re putting stories into fucking everything.
I think it went well on Instagram and so they’re like oh my god we can put
stories in every app we freakin own. But yeah so I don’t see that one going very
far but I’m sure if they just like built musical.ly’s features into Instagram it
would work. Oh and then I was really trolled with this headline that says “a North
Carolina City banned this Halloween candy because no one likes them” and then
I read the article and the city didn’t ban the candy, like it was from the
official page it actually — it wasn’t like a joke page or anything. Oh my god I’m so
close to the circle this is working out great. But it was from like the official
page for some city but like they were clearly joking about some gross candy,
which like honestly I recognize, but I could not tell you the name of. Like I’m
sure I’ll put a picture of it up here. The one candy I’ve been hearing about
this — a ton around Halloween was candy corn, and let me just tell you now that
this is a candy corn-loving channel, and if you don’t like that, you can leave. Just
kidding please stay here, but also candy corn is great. Oh my god and then so okay
there’s this article about a Japanese pop-up restaurant that’s serving people
last meals of death row inmates. Why! Why do you have to do that? That is the plot
of the — plot of a horror movie? Or just a horror movie in general? Like why would
you want to eat what someone ate right before they died from like
state-sanctioned death? Like that’s so weird. The sub
headline is you can dine on a hamburger a baked potato a hard-boiled egg and
three shots of Jack Daniels just like double murderer Gary Mark Gilmore. No I
don’t — who would want to do that — why would you get
joy from eating the same thing that like a serial killer ate before they died, and
look, do what you want to do like it’s just food, I get that, but like the whole
concept behind it is just frying my brain. Why would — it’s not a thing that’s fun, like I don’t go seeking out last meals. I
don’t know, maybe that’s just me. Okay the storm’s coming I should probably get a
move on. Okay gonna try to find another bush that’s just barely in the circle. Okay, gonna hide behind this house, please let the circle — ahh circle’s not here. Okay,
alright we’re gonna have to move down there. This is okay. We can do this. Gonna
get some stuff from this house first, just in case I need to fight. Oh perfect
a chug jug. Alright, while we’re running I need to talk about the next one, which is that someone developed an app for dog lovers and when
I first heard the headline I thought it was an app for dogs to date I was like
oh cool awesome your dogs can date each other. No, it’s for people who like dogs, which I feel like is less exciting. I’d prefer
an app for just dogs to date. Who needs people? Okay can we sneak in
right over here? I’ll just like stay right down here and maybe no one will
see me? Yeah it’s just a dating app for people who love dogs, and like I
could really get behind this cause I frickin love dogs. And it might be the
only way for dog lesbians to find each other because every girl on tinder loves
cats. No offense I love cats too, I love all animals, but if I had to pick one, I
would be a dog person. Oh my god, it’s on me, shit, okay, I have the plan. I’m gonna
lay a bunch of these, and then I’m gonna hide under one, and no one’s gonna know
which one I’m under Whoa! It’s okay I can just rift out once
people get here. This is fine, this is fine. I hope they don’t see me. If they
start shooting this, I just need to rift. While I’m hiding nervously in here, look
at this video of this cat that’s too big to be held. Okay they’re not shooting mine
yet, that’s fine. That’s fine. We’re okay. There’s only two other people left. But look at
this cat, look how big it is. Look how floofy it is. That’s the kind of cat I want
in my life. I need like eight cats like that in my
house. Oh my god I think he’s building over me. I’m so scared. I can’t look at
the other stories, I’m just scared. Oh the other one is that the Japanese princess,
Princess Ayoko, oh my god someone’s sniping me — has renounced her royal status to
become a commoner and I would just like to say, welcome to commoner status with
the rest of us. I can’t believe this is actually working, like they’re not breaking
open my thing. Yeah she married someone who was a commoner and so apparently
that makes her a commoner now. So welcome to the team. Oh my god there’s so much sniping. Eventually someone’s gonna break this
open, I think they’re using a heavy sniper to explode all of the things. But yeah, that’s pretty cool, marrying for love, becoming a commoner. Oh no no no! Fuck! Lol, I rifted someone with me. I rifted someone else. They must have been like right
on top of me and so they got rifted too. Oh my god we’re gonna get shot. That person’s shooting at us. Oh my god, oh my god, this is so stressful. This person’s
gonna have to jump off their thing. Yeah, okay I want them to kill each other so
that I can just pick off one of them. *gunshots* Oh crap, oh no no no no! Nooo! Oh my god, did I win? I won, they all died in the storm! Just gonna balloon up here in my victory. We did it, third Fortnitely News and we got a Victory Royale. Ballooning
it up into the stars. *Laughs* Yes, oh my god. We did it number one out of 100, all it
took was for everyone else to die in the storm. I didn’t have any kills! We were
just talking about stuff the whole game. That was the best victory I could have asked
for, just everyone dying in the storm, it was great. I’m so happy right now,
and I have one last happy note for us to end on. So you probably know that the
US midterm elections just happened and a lot of really great stuff happened, a
lot of really not so great stuff happened. I’m just gonna talk about the
positive stuff if you want to know about the negative stuff, go on my Twitter,
I’ve been talking about it a lot, but some really amazing women of color won
congressional seats and I’m just so excited for them. Some of them included Ayanna Pressley, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Sharice Davids, Rashida Tlaib, and Ilhan
Omar. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is going to be I think the youngest woman to ever
serve in Congress, and she’s great, like go please check her out, she’s amazing.
And Sharice Daivds will be the first ever queer indigenous woman in Congress,
which is huge and so great, and there needs to be way more indigenous people
in Congress. And Tlaib and Omar are the two first Muslim women to serve in
Congress and I believe Omar is the first hijabi to serve in Congress, and that’s
all so great, like I’m so here for a more diverse House of Representatives and I’m
really glad that the Democrats took back the house but I’m even more glad that it
was largely led by women and especially women of color, they’re all just doing
amazing work, and they need our support so much. So congratulations to all the
women and especially women of color who won seats in the US House of
Representatives, that’s so amazing, and yeah, that’s all I had for this episode
of Fortnitely News. I hope you enjoyed some of these weird stories and also a
Victory Royale weirdly, but anyways thank you all so much for watching, if you
would like to see more videos like this you can go to my Patreon, which will be
linked over here, and I would really really appreciate that, or if you would just
like to subscribe, you can click up here. Thanks so much for watching, and I’ll see
you next time.

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47 thoughts on “This candy is ILLEGAL now | Fortnitely News #3 | Riley J. Dennis

  1. You know, you should probably make a "Lesbian dog lovers" app yourself, I can already imagine a huge advertising campaign and you're gonna get so rich.

  2. Moving turtles across the street can confuse them, so be sure to place them in the same direction as they were walking before!

  3. Great to hear this is a candy corn inclusive space 😉 <3 Really though candy corn is the bomb!
    Edit: oh no you're a dog over cats person, how dare you, Riley?! I TRUSTED YOU. haha

  4. Humans build roads running across migration paths that animals have used for 1000's of years. Turtle was prolly tryna mate or lay eggs.

  5. I live in Florida and where I live lots of turtles try to cross the streets- usually going from one canal or pond to another. So it's not entirely uncommon for them to be in the street. Then, the passing cars scare them and they don't get enough time to cross safely so they get stuck. You have to pick them up and move them in the direction they were going, otherwise, if you put them back where they were coming from, they will just try to cross again when they feel safe.

  6. This made me smile so much. Thanks, Riley. It's amazing how somehow you got to pass all your thought to the game and win without killing anyone, haha. Just amazing. Thanks again.

  7. i guess candy corn is ok but not great, john green likes famous last words but thats probably better than last meals. omg awesome win!

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