Managing A Narcissist | Ann Barnes | TEDxCollingwood


Translator: Sally Yang
Reviewer: Peter van de Ven Narcissist. It sounds nasty, doesn’t it. Like an open, oozing sore,
painful to experience. Social narcissism reflects
our current cultural reality. Its growth is an increasing challenge
to businesses worldwide. The word ‘narcissism’
stems from Greek mythology. Narcissus, a young hunter
and an exceptionally handsome man, one day, tired from hunting and heat, he lies by a splendid spring. As he is drinking the water,
he sees his beautiful image. He falls madly in love. He refuses to drink for fear
that his lovely image will disappear. In time, he wastes away,
still enamoured with himself. And his death is marked
by the growth of a single flower. A narcissus. In our unmythical world, we are surrounded
by these selfish, thirsty beings. Like our parched Greek friend,
they are addicted to feeling special. Admiration is everything. And if left unchecked, this cyst boils over
into feelings of entitlement, blame, overrating one’s abilities, lashing out at criticism, arrogance and bullying, with very little room for empathy. You all know one! You might even be sitting beside one! You might even be one. (Laughter) Well, one thing we know for sure
is that their numbers are increasing. [“ME-llennial”] (Laughter) A thirty-year study reviewed the narcissistic and empathetic traits
of college students. In the 1980s, when the study began,
the numbers were … pretty good. 30 percent showed
high traits of narcissism, with 70 percent showing traits of empathy. 30 years later,
into our millennial generation, the inverse is true. They found that 70 percent of the students
had high narcissistic traits, and only 30 percent had traits of empathy. This is not to suggest
that all millennials are narcissist, but it does tell us
that the tendencies are much higher than generations that have gone before. Why do we care about that? Well, because 40 percent
of our current workforce are millennials. In 2030, this number
is going to go up to 75 percent. This is a real challenge. But not all narcissists are created equal. There are special ones. (Laughter) They’ve estimated that
one percent of the population – that’s one in a hundred –
are pathological. These people have
narcissistic personality disorder. They are ‘insecure sociopaths’. I like to equate them in the plant world
as an invasive species. They don’t really fit
into any environment system, especially a work one. Next in line is our extreme narcissist. It’s estimated that this is between
six to ten percent of the population. These people are very special too. Although not pathological,
they are extremely toxic. I like to equate them to a poison ivy. They’re best left alone and untouched. The next grouping is our garden variety. These people aren’t so bad. They’re the mild-to-mediums. And with a little bit of management,
a little bit of cultivation, a little bit of care,
they can have very good qualities. They can be incredibly driven. They can be very engaging, very charming, confident – and quite honestly –
they can get stuff done. Now, nobody really knows exactly why
this growth of narcissism has occurred. But the speculation is that it stems from our individualistic
and introspective post-war culture. This has also changed
parenting techniques, where kids are micro-managed
while the parents are missing in action, where praise is given to raise self-esteem
and every kid gets a trophy. Also, there’s no free play. And instead, we have a very early
adoption of and exposure to media. So regardless of the cause, these people can be
extremely difficult to employ and even harder to work for. But they’re not going away. So how do we, as business owners, as managers, leverage these challenging personalities, to ensure that we have
successful businesses and positive working environments? The first step is to hire accordingly. In this situation, you must know
that these personality types exist. You must watch for it. By doing so, you can help
to screen and weed out those 10% – the pathological,
and the extreme narcissist. We know that those personality types are extremely toxic and unproductive
in the workplace, even as leaders. Additionally, when you’re screening, you need to identify not only
the job skills that are required, but the personal skills
that complement that job. By doing so, you can actually use
the strengths of these personalities to your advantage. We know that they’re extremely persuasive. We know that they function well
as islands in and of themselves. We know that they can be very engaging, and they’re also extremely dedicated. So by marrying the personality skills
with the job itself, you can ensure greater success. Next, define your environment. You must lead and empower the leaders. If you don’t lead, the narcissists will. Weeds grow in cracks,
so make sure you have strong leadership. Additionally, create
a clan-like environment. This is a team cohesive spirit, the greater good rules. Make sure you have a group. Group success is your measurement
for all individuals. By doing so, you can ensure
a much greater, powerful workforce. Google and Facebook are brilliant at this. Additionally, they need to be fed. And they need to be fed
constantly and frequently. We need to water them with praise. We need to give them
raises and incentives, again, frequently, not as a lump sum. Again, we need to appraise them as well and give them constant feedback
on how they’re doing. And nudge them, and keep them in track
with the group goals. Finally, we need to create
a supportive work environment, not only for the
narcissistic personalities, but for everybody else. By doing so, you can ensure
that there is good communication, and if there is behaviour that’s offside, that it can be checked quickly, and without any kind of penalties
to those people reporting them. Next, you need to clearly
set your expectations. Not only defining the job skills required, but the overall workplace behaviour
that’s acceptable to you. The more specific you are with examples,
the better off you are. This, again, has to be
reinforced frequently. People need to be reminded
that this is actually what is required. Next, there’s accountability. Accountability at all levels. And, again, people need
to be reminded that confidence does not
necessarily equal competence. Documentation is also important as
a protocol for this type of personality. We know that narcissists
tend to be highly litigious. So you need to protect yourself,
your employees and your business by documenting poor work behaviour and clearly advising what next steps are. Last but not least, there needs to be
a clear disciplinary process in place. This needs to be applied at all levels, from the CEO down. It needs to be consistently applied, and there’re no free passes. By doing so, you can increase morale
in the company itself and have consistency
in the application process. By following these three steps, you can effectively leverage
these challenging personalities and cultivate an environment where all employees and your business
can bloom and thrive. Thank you. (Applause)

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100 thoughts on “Managing A Narcissist | Ann Barnes | TEDxCollingwood

  1. I cant believe they are just giving this information out. Yall do know narccisst will be watching this and adapting right.

  2. Narcissist personality disorder seems to be everyones problem these days!! (Here's another opinion on YouTube. Ask yourself if this woman knows what she's talking about)
    It's a wounded self. A unknown true self. A mask. Why? Because mom and or dad or primary caregiver did not or would not or could not give and FILL the baby's needs. Now we've got sad wounded people walking our planet seeking to be filled up in their cracked self. Sadly it's very complex. Not everyone is a pathological NPD. You may have traits and many of us do.

  3. Where is This Woman's credentials on narcissistic personality disorder? I just read that she is a former lawyer turned grocery store or plant-based food items. Not to mention marijuana based plants. How is it that you are an expert on narcissist personality disorder? I think people need to be very careful before you listen to these so-called experts on narcissism. Do you realize the small percentage of society that is actually a pathological narcissistic personality disorder? It's a very very small. Check the credentials do they have a marriage family therapist license or degree in counseling psychology a master's degree in counseling psychology? Or anything higher than that.

  4. I've always drawn narcs like flies to honey. Seems like that's all I've ever had to call "friends."
    What I do, I call "The Whip! – I get them enthusiastically running, metaphorically, alongside me, then I pull an unexpected U-turn. They're still running ahead, and I'm already running in the opposite direction.

  5. Why are narcissist increasing in the workplace? BECAUSE you keep hiring these nutjobs and the hiring process is practically designed to choose narcissists over mentally healthy people!
    From working with narcissists, it is clear that they have their own agenda and literally do not care if they destroy your entire company – just to get their way. I make it a point to just avoid narcissists – life it too short to put up with their absolutely endless b.s.

  6. Constantly apraise and feed them? Well that's a one way street, you can never expect the same. What kind of a relationship is that?

  7. Empaths are sensitive not to criticism, but to hostile criticism and condemnation, which is a useless method to solve problems.

  8. Narcissists are exhausting!! They chip away at your soul until you feel hollow inside. Don’t walk, RUN as fast as you can!!!

  9. "create a clan-like environment" are you being serious? Psychological abuse =physical abuse. Why supporting abusers creating a climate for them? It's not a disability. They are aware of what they're doing. And you can always find a substitute for them.

  10. I think my mother is a narcissist. I know everyone is saying to cut off with someone like that, but I'm only 18 and am still dependent on my parents for aid and support. it is therefore impossible to cut her off. What should I do? Please advice

  11. Yep… I got messed up pretty bad with one. It feels weird now when people are nice and sympathetic with me.

  12. I am sure that if you had cell phones and IG in the 80s youd have people taking flattering pics and posting. How cliche to have a middle-aged woman bashing a younger generation. I work with millennials and older: you know who works harder with less attitude? The millennials.

  13. Utterly judgemental language. I've suffered from abuse from narcissists, and so I have little sympathy for them, but the tone of this talk is horrible, mocking, and hurtful.

  14. Funny she brings up ME linnials ……..who raised them? The most narcissistic generation….the Baby Boomers.

  15. Maybe we should look more at parenting and a childs upbringing instead of catering to the narcissist needs. Why are we feeling the need to encourage such a horrible behaviour and support it.

  16. I have this illness, its not fun! It causes turmoil in relationships but we can't see this as our ego is main priority, we can be sadistic emotionally and have zero regard for feelings, we usually feel proud of our toxic behaviors and see any change as a threat. My whole life consists of not conforming and being as toxic as possible to people who hurt me or slight me. We need to protect our mask of "I am beautiful, amazing, magnificent, God amazingly gifted". If that's injured we will react in rage

  17. Apparently you just need to ask someone if they are a narcissist and they will provide you the answer. maybe that should be the first question on all job applications.

  18. I notice alot of people did not pay attention to the video at all. She said millennials have more narcissistic traits than previous generations, and that the narcissistic types in the workplace that were "not so bad" were those that were not pathologically narcissistic, they had narcissistic traits. Most of what she is saying in this video applies to people with narcissistic traits, not people diagnosed with NPD, pathological narcissists, i.e. the kind we're being told to drop contact with. Also I hope most people realize you can't fire someone for having NPD anyway, so you need to find ways to work with them.

  19. You have to be trained or have a lot of experience with Narcissism. In general, have strong and clear boundaries. Never neogiate, show love BUT keep your boundaries explicit! If none works, abandon it and tell them straight up why it won't work

  20. The real dangerous narcissist type is the one with antisocial traits. Classic narcissist (NPD) can also be difficult to deal with, specially if there's megalomania in the mix.
    You all sound so traumatized that can see through reality, she is right, most people nowadays has nacissistic traits. You can not confine half the population, deal with it.

  21. The only antedote for surviving contact with a Narcissist is to run away as fast as you can and never look back.

  22. Give them raises and praises? Is this woman for real? You are actually advising people to enable a narcissist even more???

  23. The trouble is 90% of narcissistic people do not know they are like it or behaving like it and are not aware of what there behaviour does to others .

    Manage them lol can you tell them how to change for the better . Manage them lol have nothing to do with one if I can help it but I know how to deal with them there are a lot lol side by side with passive aggressive 👍

  24. "Managing a Narcissist".??  "How to deal with a Narcissist".?? .[Loud, taunting & insanely cruel Bugs Bunny sniggering laughter]:…"Mnah..mnah..Wotz up, hucksterz..ya tryna take MY job.??  Good luck wid dat.!!  Ya STILL tryin' ta pin da bill on dat fuckin' Duck.??   Hahaha[gurgle; snurkle]hahaha.!!

  25. Could Ted X at least get someone that knows what they’re talking about.. Having a speaker with total lack of education on the subject just makes it worse.

  26. Ann Barnes needs to defer to a qualified and gifted mental health professional for an explanation here. Working with a Narcissist is virtually impossible. Narcissists are best at feigning traits of empathy; to bifurcate between empathy and Narcissism plays right into the hands of a Narcissist

  27. Human neurology, based on millions of years of evolution in a relatively "primitive" environment and small social groups, is incompatible with the extreme and accelerating socio-psycho-emotional stresses of the modern world which explains ever increasing levels of psychological pathologies.

  28. I was abused by a narcissist pastor. I see how selfish he is. He wanted me to worship him. When I was sick he refused to help me. I left his church. He is angry that I left his church. I deleted and blocked his number. I got tired of his silent treatment. I’m in recovery from his abuse. I realized his church is a cult. He is a false prophet. I’m glad I haven’t seen him in three years.

  29. I used to be a narcissist (unknowingly) at the time… But now I can see there trate's straight off the batt💯

  30. My mother, I’m pretty sure, is a narcissist. I am living at home trying to save for the next year, but I don’t know how much more I can take. What do I do? She’s my mother and the only one I have but I don’t know how much more I can take.

  31. I find in narcissistic that this conversation is basically about how to “use” a narcissist.. I think this explains where it came from, the generation before think about work more than they think about nurture.

  32. As the victim of a narcissistic boss, navigating the workplace with this type of personality is much harder than presented, and I'm not sure the advice to nurture these people is good advice. My former narcissistic boss has gone unchecked for 5 years with devastating effects in the people and productivity of the department. Narcissists tend to be in leadership positions so when you seek help from management, it goes unheard and unresolved, and in my case the reporting led to being retaliated against. Narcissists in the workplace are lethal. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around how I should "manage" them when they are so decidedly manipulative.

  33. Corporations ARE narcissistic in nature, of course you want to gaslight people lacking empathy to work for/with/around/under. Who better to screw your customers and coworkers just to bring in the numbers? Sure beats doing it yourself.

  34. Abuse should never be tolerated. Narcissists are abusive, tolerating their behaviour and not addressing it is not the answer. They have no empathy for others and are bullies. Bullies only understand fear of reprisal.

  35. Manage a Narcissistic person? Manage? They don’t listen. They don’t take advice because they usually work to convince everyone they know about everything under the sun. They only decide what ultimately benefits their own interests and agendas. How the heck do you manage them? You make sure that you can meet your needs in the process, because if you don’t, you will find yourself disappointed with stiff penalties in life. They are way too selfish.

  36. The bible says we have authority over satan so and that God always provides away out so there might be a way to live besides this kind of behaviour i think ill treat them like the taxxollectir from the bible Amen Glory to God

  37. Shes right but what i dont like about her presentation is the fact that shes stereotyping one generation which is really harmful. I saw an article bashing a generation like she did here.

  38. I think about 1/3 of people are narcissists/sociopaths. The largest minority. They're probably at the root of most of humanity's woes. They run the world, though. What happens when we "weed them out."if we fought, they would win. She pretends that "we" just have to discipline them when they are currently disciplining us.

  39. I need to send this to our HR, as  government agency we have issues in hiring leadership positions in that 6 – 10% range.

  40. Um… yea… setting boundaries … which they will disregard because it conflicts with their superiority… and setting expectations… which they will decide to never live up to… right… you lost me there.
    How do you employ a pathological liar? Oh right… a lawyer… maybe there is hope after all.

    Your theory is a good idea in theory, but it will never work in practice. Narcissists make the rules, then change the rules, and always have an excuse for everything. They cannot be held accountable for any action because they are always the victim, and they will always repeat the crime because they feel like committing it, and when confronted they will only "feel" sorry for themselves because they were caught. It only means they will try harder not to get caught next time.

  41. This woman seems to not have had ANY actual real life experience with one of these demon spawns. She really shouldn’t even be allowed to address this subject to the masses when she’s clearly giving advice that is not only detrimental but extremely dangerous.
    Narcissists systematically destroy everything that brings you happiness. This is how they live.
    Just. Get. Away. Fast.

  42. Self-care is NOT narcissism.
    Standing up for yourself is NOT narcissism.
    Being enraged at corruption and injustice is NOT narcissism.

  43. Former partner is so scatter-brained, as he is very hard to communicate with. He has many drug and alcohol addictions that would drive him to anger and violence.

  44. Narcs will always destroy a work environment! Always! They will destroy morale and steal from the company. Everytime!

  45. Give narcs raises and make it nice for them? Sorry mom I’m not, out these freaks then fire them. Grow up then you know. Promote those that are not this.

  46. My parents were narcissist. It took me sixty years to figure it out. I lived through it. They did not break my spirit but they did break my heart.

  47. Anyone that starts with the Narcissus story lost my credibility. Narcs are AI clones in the demon army of the Void. It’s amateur opinions like these that encourage humanity to accept these beasts that destroy everyone and eventually themselves. Run! Quit your job, your so called relationship and so called friendships. Run!

  48. Wtf? Give them pay rises, constantly?? Even the milder Narcs are destructive in the workforce. I should know, I was forced to leave my job because of one. They cause nothing but trouble, even the ones on management positions. It's better to weed them out in the hiring process than manage them. It's too much work.

  49. look for their childish and grandiose attitude as they are trying to impress you about something so very superficial. or when they pull out steep delusions of grander you know they will never reach. and see the contempt smile in their superficial stories that they use to make themselves look good

  50. Love how baby boomers blame millennials for everything when they're the ones who shat up America before we ever got here …. Projection!

  51. Just want to point out the irony of this talk: this is advise for the people who run companies, who are more likely to be sociopaths, on how to manage narcissists lol

  52. The best defense against narcs exploiting you is to analyse yourself and work to unlearn any codependant traits you have. If you feed them, you are a narc magnet, you will attract them. If you are over empathetic, you have to balance it with logic and knowledge. Set really honest boundries and stick to them firmly.

  53. Narcissism is awesome, I love narcissism, everyone should just realize that the whole reason the universe exists is so that I'm happy. True.

  54. Being in a relationship with a malignant narcissist is incredibly damaging! Been there. On the other hand, I have also noticed that there's a growing paranoia that as a whole we are developing for each other. The more detached we become the more we begin to suspect the other of being a potential threat. Who's mentally ill? Who's about to be the next shooter? Now, who's a narcissist? Aargh!!! One more monster among us to watch out for. I ask that we all begin looking for ways to connect, to affirm each other, to support each other. Can we possibly help someone with narcissist tendencies by avoiding them? What about the depressed, the anxious, the addicted? I'm far from perfect. Maybe more so than most. Let's just be nice rather than on the lookout.

  55. This video is about how Businesses can capitalize$ on harnessing a Narcissist-monster in your workplace to take the best advantage. You just gotta laugh.

  56. The best way to manage a narcissist is to detect them early. Once detected, leave. If you cannot leave, keep a low profile. Do not draw attention to yourself. And plan your way out.

  57. Keeping tab on your husband or Narcissist partner isn't something i'd suggest you dive into, notwithstanding, if you need to clear any doubt concerning what secretly goes on in your relationship, he is quick to accomplish results without fail just like he did the last time when i hired him, so i have to make reference to him. He paid great attention to fact as a legit expert and aided me to catch a cheat and his fee is affordable. Contact (geniustracker) on Whatsapp +1 (724) 330-3252 or you can text/call him on +1 (415)323-6758 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) thank me later…

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