Hey baby don’t believe all that nonsense, you just need the right fertility tracking device Ooooooh girl the truth is baby that your vagina knows best Don’t guilt yourself, dry those eyes, no need to sob and blubber Babies don’t appear just cause you stopped the pill and didn’t use a rubber I have a Ph.D. in fertility and I’m here to change the nation So, turn down the lights, and let’s get it right with ovulation calculation Sugar, stop this sorcery! Makin’ such a Fuss! Even Stevie Wonder wasn’t this superstitious Searching online with a glass of wine, honey your questions will still linger What are you doing? Oh please no! Don’t use your finger! Ph.D. in fertility, I’m a pregnancy sensation So, get snuggly, and bump uglies fertility calculation Here’s a special message while she dines on grandma’s china Did you know that women don’t pee out of their vagina? Ooo! It’s a separate tube that you can find beneath her Sugar, that’s right, we’re talking about her urethra! 99% LH surge that won’t get you pregnant quick It’s not 99% chance of conceiving today put down that pee stick! We’re not living like dark ages let’s track to get you preg I have a modern device, and it feels really nice, babe I’m talkin’ about the kegg Ph.D. in fertility and a modern application So check that cervical fluid you’ll have 4 times the chance Conceive a few days ahead this is modern romance Did I mention, I love these spandex pants? Ovulation calculation! Fertility calculation!