I open my business up… For the pleasure of being a businessman … And to innovate! To please Macron! No, actually I don’t give a shit of it. Today my friends, we’re going to create a start-up and open a social network. And believe me, we’ll succeed! We’ll make our dreams come true! We will touch them with our fingertips! So let’s go, new game. “Before starting, enter the name of the company down below:” “Dontgiveashit” “Balékouille” (means like “I don’t give a shit”) Yeah I’m a shark in the business, man ! “You have received a new e-mail.” Already ? Hey ! Wait, I just started to open the startup. Stop, if the administration kills me before I could open it ! Please stop that now ! Do you feel the experience through this or not ? *laughs* “Credit” ! Oh ! I have to pay a credit to the Easy Money Bank ! It seems like it’s Booba’s bank ! (* Booba is a french rapper who made a song a called “Izi monnaie” *) Amount: 40 000 $… 30 % of interest ?! Man ! What the f*ck ! Nowadays, the banks only ask between…1 and 3% of interest! Yes, I have checked !*Laughs* Man, it’s going too far if I have to pay them back 46 700 $. Well, I’m in debt, here we go. We are in our offices ! Damn, they’re prettyyyy… …Suck, they completely suck. Wait, I’m checking my e-mails. I have received a mail. “Congratulations for your new credit!” The bank agreed to lend some money… …to a company named “Balékouille”. I respect that, really. “Goals: First go on the finance tab and take a credit.” OK! ” Hire a sales manager to generate agreements ” Not OK! “Employees” “Recruitment” “Sales manager” So we’re going to look for a sales manager. Let’s go! “A new candidate has been found.” Oh sh*t ! 98% ! You are lame ! You are lame, go away! You can be a sales manager at “Monoprix” but clearly not at Balékouille Company. 88% ! So you have a lame name and on top of that you suck. Incredible ! Oh it’s easy to joke about the names, right ? Whatever the best is her, at 144%! She is so damn expensive ! Okay, I’m hiring her we don’t want to lose time ! We want the best of all ! We need to create a product. What do we do ? Dude, it’isnt as if we had competition. We can do it. We will call us “Tontube”(Yourtube) Yeah, I’m inspired, I’m a visionary you’ll see ! ” Development”. What do we need ? I don’t understand! I don’t understand! I don’t understand! Okay, I need a programmer. Maybe, we need to organize this thing a little bit. “Computer” “Screen” “Chair” “Keyboard” Mouse” “desk” For 3000$ ! Finally, we have something “not expensive” ! Okay, we are buying one and we are adding another one because there will be a little programmer here. We will put them close to each other because we want them to get on well! 🙂 “Candidate” “Candidate” She is productive and not expensive. Is she the “MAAF” ? We take her ! I took two girls ! HAAAAH ! (Homminist is the feminist masculine.) Where the gender equality ?!
Where are the homminist? Where are the homminists? (Homminist is the feminist masculine.) So “Statistics”… So here we can make her search some things that can allow us to create our program. ” OR TO SELL THEM* ” (*written in white) We will take… what do we need ? ” UI’s component” it’s here. 1000$. It takes two hours. Okay it’s going to be fast. And after that we will put a “Backend component” Okay, and the other was an “Interface component” Is that b*tch going to work or not ?? Seriously ! Sorry.. Excuse me.. I’m starting to say bad things to my employees, it’s crazy! *Laugh* Great ! They are working now ! It smells butt’s fingers ! Now we can release “Tontube”, the new platform which will host the biggest future webstars ! But the futur ones only. FIRST CONTRACT PROPOSAL 2 components for Kwitch, price: 1600$ approximate emergency: 8 hours to product. I accept. I don’t care, I need money so I accept everything. I will hire a programmer No, wait, wait. Everytime, I get too excited and I end up with a bankrupt businness… I will wait more. Ultimately, I won’t wait. Can we deliver the contract ? We are raking in 1600$. It has been made in a blink of an eye. Now, let’s move on to another contract. 2 MINUTES LATER To resume; I have spend my time finding contracts. And other companies are buying my constituents. These guys are creating the components. And that’s what’s going on right now. For example, we need many “Backend components”. So, I click on this slave. No, sorry I wanted to say this employee. And I start the making of the component The problem here, is that I need to find the “Interface component” But I don’t have one. That doesn’t exist 3 constituents. Let’s do it. What are the components ? We need somme “UI components” Alright, I will make them. *Music* I don’t understand, my programmers aren’t working welI. I will quickly explain you why. Basically, they can make components. But I don’t care about THESE components. I really don’t care about them. For example, they ordered me something. And this requires a “wireframe component”. Okay! But these guys can’t create this type of constituent ! Yeah, I can’t make it because they don’t have enough skills to do it. And for “Tontube”, the “interface component”, it’s the same. They can’t make it neither. So ! How can I solve this problem? OMG! 1980$ only because it’s a very urgent request ! For only 2 components! *Claps* I’ve made the right choice by becoming a business man. Moreover, I already have what he needs because I made it earlier. Bam! It’s finish, there’s no need to talk about it anymore ! *Whistles* Okay, we have reached level 3. When we will be at level 5 we will be able to hire more competent people. Look at that ! We have more money ! It’s crazy! With that, we will reach level 5 and have a manager and everything! Compared to that, the Silicon Valley is just a gingerbread ! Hey ! He is late, man ! He arrived at 9:30 AM ! You are late, dude! How can I demolish him ?! Look at his schedule! It’s written here ! 9 AM to 5 PM ! Okay, I maybe got angry for nothing. I thought that he had to start at 7 AM. I assume it. Sorry.. Excuse me. 2 CONTRACTS LATER However, he has descreased a lot in productivity. I will have to fire them and hire somebody else without pity. Yeah, I will do that. I don’t give a sh*t at all. Seriously ! He really is a bast**d ! He is making the “constituent of the database” and see the state of the bar bro! There was only one code line left to do! Not even one line but just one character He just had to do that: * tap* And it was done ! But he talks before finishing his work and it makes me late for my delivery. Damn it! What a bast**d ! I will kick him out for sure. It’s been 2 weeks since the company was born. Ok ? And we have 25 000$. We are surviving Really, we are surviving. “Urgent request”: 4200$. Damn it! Slaves, work hard ! (
Whip noise) Work ! (Whip noise) They work so hard, bro, that their arms hurt by taping on the keyboard. Its an important contract so do your best! He is so slow! How can that be possible ?! Did he study carpentry or what ?! This is f*cking crazy ! Let’s deliverate it. Give me the money. What ? 3 hours late ? That removes 900$ out of 4600$ ! Okay you know what ? We will click on “employees”. Oh but there is a manager ! I can take a manager ! The manager supervise all type of employees. He gives them a speed bonus. It is what we need to boost them a little more ! I hope that my manager will be like David Douillet (*a French politician) And yes I have said the name of a very old man ! *Laughs* You’re not too bad Sara Robbins, I like you. Another woman ! This is very good! Now, they aren’t working anymore. See, it is advancing slowly. What ? ” You have a new e-mail ” “Nelle weber. I have bad news” “Hello, I was very glad to work here at Balékouille. But unfortunately, I have recently felt that my life goals don’t fit with the company. I’m quitting my job as SalesExecutive. Hoping for the best, Nelle Weber” You know what, I don’t mind because I wanted to fire you too I won’t have to pay the unemployment benefits ! Haha ! In your face! “I have bad news” Oh sh*t “Hello, I was very glad to work..” Let me guess ! But unfortunately, I have recently felt that my life goals don’t fit with the company. Etc.. ” I have recently felt that my life goals don’t fit with the company. ” *Claps* Go work as a carpenter because I swear to you that you didn’t study go to a DEF university. It’s impossible. Hop! Deleted ! 4 RECRUITMENTS LATER Wow ! She is so good! I dit right by recruiting her! Everyone is making their little components. Bro, we are starting to be a real boss. It’s beautiful “Urgent request” 5200$ Roh la la. I will become rich. “Congratulations, you have reached level 4: new boss. Head developer. The head developer has to fuse the constituents into components *Claps* We will be able to create our social network but before we need to earn tons of money if not we’ll have to shut down the company. Listen, I am a kind boss. I see that this person is tired she’s sick of working. What do I do, I send her on Holidays. New contract. 4 UI components ??? Okay next time I will send her on Holidays but not now. *Music* Alright! It has been deliverated. Let’s move ooooooooon. Now, you’ve worked well, you can go on Holidays. Fly like a bird. MANY CONTRACTS LATER Man, it takes time to evolve your sh*t. I actually I would prefer to be cashier. OMG, a new contract. “Urgent request”: 7200$.Youhouuuuuuu !!!! Let’s go ! When I thought that I wanted to be cashier 2 minutes ago. Bam! 7200$ !! How long has she been on Holidays ? 8 months or what ? What is she doing ? Did she went around the world ? What the heck ? Hey! You’re back ! So, how was you holidays ? You’re in shape now right ? No, I doubt so. Tiredness: 5.6%. But you just came back from holidays ?! New advantage unlocked: free drinks. It increases the satisfactions of the workers by offering a free access to the distributor. No! They have to pay like everyone ! The coins of 20 centimes (€) you know that yourself! At a certain point, it has to stop! Okay, I’m showing off I’m putting some distributors. I put a plant here. A distributor. If I’m doing this it’s all because of that. I’m looking for a head developer in order to make components and open our social network !! “Raise the bid” What ? You will enter in a competition with other companies to win this contract. Select a price per hour. Oh shit. We will make it at 220 to have it. And we didn’t get it! Superstardives has stole it from us for 3.936$ per hour! Son of a b*tch! My ass ! I don’t care I won’t discrease the prices. “Urgent request” of let’s think hard, it takes 28 hours On top of that we just have to produce this, it’s easy to do. 350$ per hour. Yeah that’s good we will win. Oh lala ! We could have ask for more ! Sh*t ! Never mind(x2). It’s very good(x3) No , it’s a big deal but never mind. 30 minutes of gaming later Man, we have 62 300 in the bank. Wait! We will refuse any contract to make our social network ! “Adopte une blague” (Adopt a joke) that is very funny ! This is going to be a hit! The principle is a that people post a joke and you choose one and nothing will happened because there is a problem in the concept. I am building some components to achieve it. It’s hard. “Adopteuneblague”: implement this. “All the functionalities has been well done. Click on the button to get the right version to upload it.” “accommodation costs: $375 per day. total income: 0 Is this a joke ? Improvement how can i do that? Damn it, the number of components required !! Did they take drugs ?! 24 minutes later Hi, we have now 362 users. On Adoptuneblague, it’s famous, we get 10 dollars per day. Yep, sh*it man, this game is lit, I’m 100% addict to it. Adopteuneblague has generated $14, we can buy a Mcdo thanks to our social network, it’s unbelievable, oh la la, but it will grow up you will see, it’s our baby ! We will ripen him ! Look a this curve, total income: $21. 258 users on the web and 412 on mobile We will improve it AdopteUneBlague generated $ 218.21 in income! Goal achieved That’s pretty much what Mark Zuckerberg, creator of Facebook wins .. every second LOL Friends is the end of this video and this startup I hope you liked it, do not hesitate to love it if it is the case, not the startup, the video Finally having a startup is a bit to be babysitter But for adults, Do not hesitate to create an account on AdopteUneBlague, it will really make me happy *Laughs* It will allow me to pay those people who work against a wall all, it’s horrible, I could have put them face to face But no I’m a FDP (“FDP” is “son of bitch”)