Murray’s our big loser. We are on Pier 60
at a tech conference thrown by Sisense where, Murr,
you gotta give a speech. A speech?
I can do that all night long. So, in the past, we’ve shot
your mouth up with novocaine. This time, we’re going to
mess with your voice. You’ll notice in the microphone,
there’s a tube that’s connected to either helium
for your voice to go high, or sulfur hexafluoride
to make your voice go low. So you suck it,
and then you talk. And then craziness ensues. Got it. Got it. You’re fine, ’cause
all you have to do is
go out there and suck, which you do
every second anyway. So, Kinesis is a streaming
service that allows you to — Joe: This place, Sisense —
This is an invitation-only industry-leading event right now. Q: These are the people
that forge the future… That’s exactly right. …through technology. So who am I
being introduced as? You’ll find out. Our next guest is a professor of
science, technology, and society at New York University. Jesus. His research in the field of
neuroaugmentations and data… Neuroaugmentation. Please welcome to the stage
Dr. Dexter Scott! Joe: Alright, bud.
You’re up. Thank you, sir.
Thank you. Thank you so much. Alright, Murr. So, we’re gonna
tell you which one to suck — either the helium
or the sulfur. And then you just go ahead
and continue talking either the helium Dr. Dexter Scott.fur.- I’m going to share a story about
my own addiction to technology. Almost ruined my life,
in all seriousness. I’ll never forget
that breezy, perfect day just at the start of the summer. And I was to be married
to my high-school sweetheart, Dr. Mary Jo Simmons. Oh, I’m so excited.
I’m so excited. It was also the year
I got my first smartphone. Q: Suck! Q: Suck! [ High-pitched ] Mary Jo
was truly my better half. [ Laughter ] [ Normal voice ]
However, on our wedding day, I get a very important call regarding the patent
I was working on. What do you say about
some sulfur? Suck. Q: Here we go.
Here we go. [Deep voice] The fools
at the U.S. government denied my patent. This patent would create
a symbiotic relationship between humans and technology, instead of this bluescreen
hellscape we live in. [ Laughter ] Joe: Look at this guy! Look at this guy! [ Normal voice ]
And Mary Jo finally burst through my door
in her wedding dress and begged me
to turn off the phone. And then I did something
I would always regret. I turned and yelled
at Mary Jo… Suck! [ High-pitched ] …”Get out
of here, you ignorant child! I’m on the phone and a laptop! Can’t you see
this is bigger than us?” -Oh, my God.
-We broke up. -Oh, my God.
-We broke up. [ Normal voice ]
She married my rival, Professor Arthur Goodthought. [ Laughter ] Joe: He’s breaking! And I had to start over without
my patents or precious Mary Jo. Now I’ve learned that the best
way to use technology… Now I’ve learned that the best
way to use technology… Q:
Suck that sulfur. [ Deep voice]
…is to become the technology. [ Laughter ] Behold, I am the Megabyte, and I control all the technology
in this room! You’re a villain! Resistance is futile. This is the supervillain
Megabyte origin story. [ Normal voice ] Another thing
you should always, always do… -Helium.
-Suck helium. [ High-pitched voice ]
…is fear me! Fear me. Have you ever considered… This is so stupid! Paying more attention to your
phone than a fellow human is… Q: Sulfur time. [ Deep voice ]
…completely pointless! Now there will only be
technology like myself, shutting down Earth lights
in three, two, one. Q: Helium.
Suck the helium. [ High-pitched ] Aah!
Your firewalls are too strong! My mainframe
is getting haunted! Joe: Go back again! [ Deep voice ] You haven’t
seen the last of me, humans! [ Laughter ] Megabyte! The Megabyte will interface
with your children and your children’s children. [ Laughter ] [ Normal voice ]
Thank you for your time. My mother is here to pick me up. [ Applause ]