Cobra Kai Ep 5 – “Counterbalance”

( cell phone alarm beeping ) ( dramatic music ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Johnny: Ready? Yes, sensei. Johnny: What does a Cobra do? What does a Cobra do? There’s no tapping in karate. ♪ ♪ Watch your arms.
Get your arms up. My arms were up. ♪ ♪ ( grunts ) What does a Cobra do? Slither! Not bad. ♪ ♪ ( both grunting ) What? What the hell?
That wasn’t fair! You want a fair fight?
Dream on. You can’t always think
your enemies are gonna play by the rules. – Yeah, but my ear!
– What if that baseball was your enemy’s friend
coming at you from behind? You have to be prepared
for everything. Let me look. No, it’s fine, it’s fine.
Don’t–just don’t be a baby. ( bell dings ) – Hello.
– Ah, shit. Fauna: It’s 5:00.
Twilight is upon us. – Oh, right, okay.
– What’s going on? Uh, I had to sublet the, uh,
dojo for a few hours. Just till we get more students. Fauna: We need to change
the energy in here. ( traditional Indian music
plays ) ♪ ♪ Fauna: Center your energy… ♪ ♪ And stretch. ( classical piano music plays ) Daniel: Nice, right? They ship the 3 pounders in from Ogunquit. Armand: Oh! I like the melted butter. ( chuckles ) So, listen. I have to thank you, LaRusso,
for inviting us. My wife and kid,
they love Lobster Night. But this country club? They revoke my membership,
son of a guns! I know, and frankly,
I don’t like how they handled that,
Armand, I mean, it’s a stupid rule,
if you ask me. That’s what I said. This is the entire reason
we wear flip-flops in the shower, am I right? Mm-hmm!
( laughs ) Look, Armand,
most of these people here, their money comes
from mommy and daddy. You and me, we earned this. So when it comes to business
in the Valley, it’s in our interest
to look out for each other. Oh…so it’s not only
the lobster that’s being buttered up, huh? Tell me,
what can Armand do for you? By the way, thanks for coming. Thought you were gonna be out
with your friends tonight. Yeah, um, I don’t know. Yas and Moon haven’t been
returning my texts. We were supposed to go
to a concert together. – Mm-hmm.
– And then I saw this. ( cheers and applause ) – Suck it, bitches!
– ( laughs ) Yeah, maybe it’s better that
you’re not there with them. Anyway, we’re always happy
to have– Anthony!
Stop drinking the butter! I’m gonna…get your brother. My dad owns buildings. My dad owns cars. My dad makes more money
than your dad. My dad knows karate
and could kill your dad. Daniel: So let’s talk
real estate. I might be looking
at a new location, and if some land
were to become available… Armand: You want me
to tell you before I tell
Mr. Tom Cole, huh? I heard you guys had argument. You kicked a hot cup of coffee
from his hand. It was a boba.
It’s like a tea. It’s got these chunks
of tapioca, it… – Mm.
– It doesn’t matter, really. So, you want me
to scratch your balls. How you going to scratch
my balls? That’s not the expression,
but let’s just say I might be able to get you
reinstated here at the club. All I want is first crack
at any properties you’re looking to sell
in Reseda. Reseda? I only have
one strip mall in Reseda. On Victory Boulevard. Victory…oh, that’s right,
the one with the, uh, the karate dojo in it, right? Uh, yeah, uh,
Snake Karate or something. I don’t know. Ever thought of selling? – Hey, Mom.
– Hey. I went to Von’s and got those
frozen pizzas that you like. Want to make dinner
and, uh, watch a movie? Oh, that’s so sweet, honey. Um, I actually have to run
a couple of errands, but, uh, how about we do that
tomorrow night, okay? Yeah. Sure. If you’re not too hungover. Hey. Okay, you caught me,
I am going out, but, you know what,
it is DineLA week, so. Mm. You meeting that guy
from the other night? Oh, God, that nerd? No, he was all bark
and no stick. Sorry, I know, that’s, like,
super gross, but, listen, you don’t realize how hard
it is to meet a good man. I mean,
just look at your father. That’s what
we’re working with here. Oh, did I mention that that
deadbeat came by to see me? No.
What’d he say? Mm, just some BS
about you moving in with him, as if he suddenly gives a shit. I’m sure it’s just a scam
to get out of paying for child support. Well, I mean,
how do you know that? Trust me.
I know your father. Listen, I know that you’re
super bummed out about tonight, but, um, you know, I’m trying to meet
that special someone. You’re only getting older
and bigger, and sooner or later,
you’re gonna leave me for a life
filled with excitement. You don’t want to leave
your mama alone, do you? – No.
– Thanks, baby, I love you. – Shannon: Bye.
– Love you too. ( door clicks shut ) ( blows landing ) What’s the second rule
of the Way of the Fist? – Strike hard!
– That’s right. There’s only one reason
to hit someone. To inflict pain. Striking hard is about
giving your all. ( door opens ) What the hell? No yoga till 5:00. No matter how bad you need it. I-I’m actually here for karate. Aisha: I saw your website. It said that there was supposed
to be a session today. I appreciate you coming in, but there are no girls
in Cobra Kai. Why not? Same reason there aren’t women
in the Army. Doesn’t make sense. Miguel: Sensei, I need to show
you something in the office. Don’t give me
this “sexist” bullshit. All right, I’m just saying,
women aren’t meant to fight. They have tiny, hollow bones. Aren’t you desperate
for new students? Yes. But this isn’t
a knitting class. This is a dojo. The kids at school
call her names, make fun of her. That’s what happens
when you eat an entire box of Twinkies
every day. Her dad is Isaiah Robinson. Hall of Fame lineman
for the Chargers. Yeah, so you’re saying
it’s genetic? Her love for Twinkies
comes from her dad? No, I’m saying
her family’s loaded! All right, and she’s
a paying customer. But you don’t need
the money, right? ( sighs ) Okay, take off your shoes.
Hop on the mat. Okay, after further review,
I’ve decided to allow female students. But if you want to be
in Cobra Kai, you can’t act like a girl. What do you mean?
How do girls act? Oh, don’t give me that–
you know, all emotional, loud, complain-y, never letting you
finish a sentence. Well, I know a few guys
who act just– Quiet! ( dramatic music ) My student tells me
you’ve been harassed at school. ♪ ♪ Yeah. Mostly online. I get mean texts and emails
sent to me. Makes me not want to go. And who sends you
these messages? Well, they’re mostly anonymous. These kids create
fake accounts, and they tell me things
like I’m ugly and that I should kill myself. Oh, my God. What a bunch of pussies. Back in my day,
if you wanted to tease someone, you did it to their face. There was honor, respect. These geeks hiding
behind their computers, what a bunch
of spineless losers. You’re not afraid
of these losers, are you? No. Are you gonna take shit
from these losers? No. Good,
because when I’m done with you, you’re gonna be sending
a message back, only it’s not gonna be
with your keyboard. It’s gonna be with your fists. Daniel: Armand, come on. I’ll give you 10%
over market rate. That’s a great deal. Armand: Uh, yeah,
it’s a great deal. Maybe too great, huh? I don’t know what you see
in the Reseda. It’s a shithole. Just call it nostalgia.
I grew up there. Armand: Well, then,
you know it’s horrible. Ugh, and so is this,
uh, boba-moba tea. I don’t like it.
The straw’s screwy. I almost choked. Look, if Reseda’s so bad, why not sell me the strip mall? I want to invest
in my old community. Armand: Eh, I’m smelling
some kind of bullshit. You know? I think you have
another reason you want it. I don’t know what the hell
you’re talking about. And, frankly, I don’t know
why you care. The mall down the street
gets more than twice the rent. You’re not even charging
market rate. You calling me stupid, LaRusso? Daniel: I’m just letting you
know the truth, Armand. I’m scratching your balls. Armand: Thank you very much, but I can scratch
my own balls. I didn’t get this far
trusting a car salesman, huh? – No deal.
– Fine. Then, enjoy pissing
in your own shower, Armand. Armand: Everybody does it! ( phone line clicks ) ♪ ♪ ( upbeat rock music ) ♪ ♪ My mom gave me this weed
for my birthday, and she says it’s, like,
lower in calories or something. Felt that one. Yasmine: Oh, ew. A homeless person.
Don’t look. I feel bad not looking at her. Oh, my God.
We just made eye contact. Yasmine: Great,
now she’s coming over. – You see what you’ve done?
– What do we do? Just take out your phone
and act like you’re texting. ( knocking ) Lynn: Hey, open up
and give me money! Oh, my… I ain’t gonna hurt ya. ( whispering )
Lock the doors. That’ll look bad doing that
right in front of her. Yasmine: You want her
hopping in the back seat, smearing shit everywhere
and slicing your throat, be my guest. ( screaming ) What the hell, Sam? We thought you were
a poor person! Why have you guys
been avoiding me? Why do you think? Kyler told us what you said. Wait, what did he say? I didn’t take notes,
but pretty much that you think
you’re better than us. You were no one
before we let you in. You didn’t even electrolocize. I never said a word
about either of you. That’s not what went down. Oh, Kyler told us
what went down. And who went down. And in a movie theater?
That’s yucky. Whatever Kyler told you
was a lie. Sam, just say you’re sorry, and we can all
be friends again. Or don’t and get the hell
out of Moon’s car. Enjoy puking out
your burritos, Yas. Yasmine: Hey,
don’t leave the door open! You’re gonna get us killed! Wait, you’ve been purging and not telling me? Okay, let’s see what you got,
Ms. Robinson. Johnny: Face me. Bow. Face each other. Bow. Mr. Diaz, show her
everything you’ve learned. Uh, whoa, wait, I don’t think
this is right, Sensei. You don’t think what’s right? She’s a girl, I’m not gonna… Johnny: And? I thought you said
women were equal to men. I did say that.
I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that she– All right,
show her women are equal. – Give her everything you got.
– Aisha: Wait. I just want to remind everyone
this is my first day. Your enemies don’t care
what day it is. Johnny: They prey on weakness. If you want to beat them,
you gotta conquer your fears and jump face first
into the fire. Johnny: Now, are you ready,
Ms. Robinson? – I guess.
– Mr. Diaz. Fight! Don’t just stand there.
Fight! ( gong crashes ) I’m sorry. ( grunts ) Oh, my God, Aisha,
are you okay? I’m so sorry. Come on. – Ugh!
– ( groans ) – (grunts)
– (groans) ( Miguel groaning ) Girl’s a natural Cobra. Nestor: You can’t do this! All right.
Students, wait here. Johnny: Diaz,
you’re in charge. ( door opens ) This is wrong, I’ve been
a tenant here for ten years! And ten years
you don’t pay more rent! – Shut up–
– ( shouts indistinctly ) Quiet! I’m trying to run a karate dojo
next door. Look, this cabrón’s trying
to double our rent. I just trying to make
the market value, that’s all. How am I supposed to pay
double rent? I don’t know, you can’t pay,
I get other tenant! Aw… Armand: Come on, Roland,
let’s go. You see?
You have to be tough. – You’re a big man, Dad.
– Thank you. ( bell dings ) ( faint metal music
on headphones) ( Shannon and man giggling ) – (whispers)
Okay, shh, be quiet.
– You be quiet. ( gasps, whispering )
You be quiet! ( loudly )
You be quiet. Okay, boss man.
I like how you take charge. Hey, gotta be an alpha to work
at TBS biz affairs, right? Yeah, you do. Okay, be quiet,
my son is sleeping. – Okay.
– Okay. ( both laughing ) ( metal rock music ) ♪ ♪ Lyle: Yeah. This is all pretty much trash. You want to throw it away here or take it home and toss it? This is a classic
swimsuit edition. Elle MacPherson in her prime. Yeah, if it were mint,
I’d throw you 5 bucks, but this is, uh, let’s just say, well-loved. ( sighs ) All right,
what about the Nintendo? It’s an Atari. Normally, I’d offer you
20 bucks and flip it to some douchebag hipster
who wanders in, but my rent just went up, so I’ll give you a ten-spot
if it helps you out. All right. I didn’t want to
have to do this. I know gold’s been going up. And I don’t want to
sell ’em all. Just tell me how many I need to
part with to get 1,200 bucks. Okay. Let’s see.
How many you got? Six. 12. 18. ( punching buttons ) ( mumbles indistinctly ) Okay, yeah. If you happen to have
60,000 more of these lying around somewhere, I think we can work
something out. What?
This is solid gold. Gold-plated. Got a certificate
of authenticity. Ooh. Mm, that’s a nice one. They even put an eagle on there
and everything. All right, you know what? You just lost an opportunity
of a lifetime. ♪ ♪ ( bell dings ) ♪ ♪ ( bell dings ) ( car door opens, closes ) ( bell dings ) Daniel: Got any red
spray paint? Nestor: Uh, yeah.
Keep it in the back. Otherwise,
the kids will steal it. Daniel: I got
a little art project. Big canvas,
right on Ventura Boulevard. Nestor: Yeah, uh…
watch it for me, will ya? Daniel: Yeah, no problem.
Thank you. What’s going on? Oh, just checking out
the neighborhood. Daniel: I was actually
considering opening up a dealership
on this side of town, but now I don’t know, man. The rent seems to be going
crazy out of control. Frankly, I don’t know
how you afford it, small business like yours–
more-more power to you. You know, on second thought,
I don’t need the paint. I’m sorry,
I’ll just take the gum here, and, uh, put that guy’s beer
on my tab. Looks like he’s had
a rough day. ( bell dings ) ( classical piano music plays ) – Ooh, the 2013?
– Yeah. Somebody’s in a good mood. Well, somebody
got some payback. Aww, Daniel,
do you really think it’s a good idea
to start a war with Tom Cole? What? Oh, no, no, no. It turns out Tom Cole
was not the one who messed with the billboard. It was Johnny Lawrence. After 30 years, I thought
that guy mighta changed, but he’s still the same prick
he was back in high school. Guy thinks he can bring
Cobra Kai back to the Valley? – Not on my watch.
– What did you do? I told Zarkarian I wanted to
buy that Cobra Kai strip mall. W-why would you do that? What do you want with
a crappy strip mall in Reseda? This is–
no, no, no, no. No, no, no.
You’re gonna love this. I wasn’t really gonna buy it. I just wanted
to tweak Zarkarian so he would jack up the rent,
and it worked ’cause now Cobra Kai
is gonna have to shut down. Can I have yours?
This is delicious. Wait, wait, wait,
you’re telling me that the whole Zarkarian dinner
was just some convoluted plot so you could raise the rent
on your childhood karate rival? I think
you’re oversimplifying things. Well, what about the other
stores in the mall? I mean, did you even
consider them? Look, I don’t know about
Johnny Lawrence or Cobra Kai. All I know is that
my husband is acting like a mental patient. I mean, embarrassing Sam
at the Halloween dance, kicking Tom Cole, and now this? It’s like ever since
that dojo opened, you’ve been off. The guy spray-painted
a dick on my face. So what?
He’s an asshole. Don’t let him turn you
into one. Look, I don’t know
what you need to work this out–
therapy or acupuncture or some cross-country
motorcycle trip– all I know is,
I want the Danny LaRusso that I married to come back. ( sighs ) ♪ ♪ Oh, don’t even think about it. Come on, I need a place to sit. Oh…you can go sit
with Kyler. I hear he doesn’t mind
that you suck. Think it’s funny
to spread lies about me? What’re you talking about?
We saw a movie, and that’s it. Well, maybe I saw
a little bit more than you. ( laughter ) Yeah, we heard you got
pretty choked up. ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ Kyler: Hey, guys. You know that billboard
with a big-ass dick on it? I guess Sam takes after
her dad. ( laughter ) Miguel: Hey, Kyler! Why don’t you shut the hell up
and stop being such an asshole? Want another beatdown, ‘Rhea? I’m ready for your lame-ass
karate this time. It’s not lame-ass karate. ♪ ♪ It’s Cobra Kai. ♪ ♪ ( oohing and aahing ) Whoo! ♪ ♪ No mercy! ♪ ♪ ( grunting ) ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ( mellow music ) ♪ ♪ Blatt: Hey! Hey! Get down from there right now! ( cheers and applause ) Johnny: All four of them? – Yeah.
– Even that big dumb one? Yeah, it all happened so fast.
Everything just came together. I was blocking. I anticipated.
I slithered. Your mom’s gonna kill
both of us. Well, she would if she knew. When my school called,
my ya-ya answered. Never seen her so proud.
She won’t talk. All right, so let me
get this straight. You took all the lessons
I taught you, and you used them
to straight-up beat the shit
out of those punks? Well, yeah. Follow me. ♪ ♪ I wore this when I was training
for my first tournament back in ’81. I want you to have it. ♪ ♪ Are you sure? Hell, yeah.
You earned it. ♪ ♪ Johnny: That’s it.
It’s the best thing I’ve got. Thank you so much, Sensei. ( solemn music ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Hey, Mr. Miyagi. I know it’s been a few months, but better late than never,
right? I’ve been thinking about you
a lot lately. I, um… ♪ ♪ You know, it’s…
it’s funny. When I was a kid, you seemed to
always have all the answers, and I guess I thought
when I got older, I’d have it all
figured out too. But now I just…
feel like I’m clueless. Makes me wonder,
was it different for you, or were you just better
at hiding it? Maybe that was it, huh? ♪ ♪ I feel like lately
I’ve let my anger take control. You know me, I’ve always been
a bit of a hothead, so… ♪ ♪ ( sighs ) I really wish you could
be here right now. ♪ ♪ Miyagi: Daniel-san. You remember lesson
about balance? – Yeah.
– Mm. Lesson not just karate only. Lesson for whole life. ♪ ♪ Whole life. Have balance. Everything be better. Understand? Yeah. I understand. Look,
you’ll get your damn rent. No, I don’t have it now. As I’m saying,
I’m working on it. I got a plan. Hey, I’m gonna call you back. ( indistinct chatter ) ♪ ♪ ( shouting ) Looks like we’re in business. ♪ ♪ Wow, this is an impressive
high school transcript. Why do you want to sweep up
around here? Shouldn’t you be in college? Just taking some time off
to figure things out. This is exactly
where I want to be. Okay. Well, I’d love for you
to meet my husband, but he’s taking a personal day. Can you start Monday? Absolutely. Well, welcome to
the LaRusso family. ♪ ♪ ( synth arpeggio flourishes ) ♪ ♪ ( dramatic music swells ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Johnny: Yah! Are you sure
you’re right-handed? Yah!
You can do better than that. You got weight, use it.
Ready? Yah!
Nice shirt. – Thanks.
– I’m joking, it sucks. Try not to be so hard on them? Oh, come on, Diaz,
they’re a bunch of losers. Miguel: Yeah, well, some of
those losers are my friends. And they’re your students. You wanted a full dojo,
you got one. Not full like that. How’s the new kid working out? Man: Oh, great.
We got a bunch of stuff piled up for weeks–
inventory, sticker swaps. Kid knocked most of it out
before lunch. Daniel: Keep up the good work. Anthony:
My dad hates his guts. When he finds out
I’m working for him, he’s gonna lose his shit.

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82 thoughts on “Cobra Kai Ep 5 – “Counterbalance”

  1. This is so much better than it has any right to be. How did this happen now? Everyone is so polarized and nostalgia has largely been used to cover up bad writing. This really does harken back to the best movies of that time where there were actual character arcs and the complex issues are being handled with the fine touch that complexity requires. And yet the story still flows, it's not bogged down under awareness of it it's own merit. Thank you very much to everyone behind it. I'm laughing now because I was actually affected emotionally by this episode. In a weird way too, when Johnny said something about his first tournament in 81 I suddenly got hit by the sense of all the years that have passed since my birth year. And he's older, has had even more of that feeling. I started crying immediately, in a sorta good sorta painful way. It's weird to feel nostalgic and yet not like I was manipulated, just affected by a connection between my life and a story. Google finally got me, signed up for premium, and of course it's really great and I like it a lot so far. Some part of me is remains a grumpy old man, heels dug in, but this bit of acceptance feels ok.

  2. Literally planning my evenings lately around laying in bed, watching this, and having soothing hot tea Miyagi style…literally. My work nights just got better and are booked.


  4. YouTube you show me much as ads you want I'll watch and wait it for the end because I freaking love this show don't know how many times I watch season one and two I never feel boored that's my favorite web series. Thank you for having it free

  5. @29:30

    Season 2 spoilers
    odd plothole here. Amanda talks about Robby's "impressive high school transcript" yet later when Robby moves in and has to go to high school, Amanda seemingly never questions it or has forgotten about it.

  6. No disrespect YouTube but how come OUR guidelines are so strict and we get hardly any ads especially ones that are non skippable when u have THIS and we can’t say fartypoop more than once without getting our butts kicked

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