Craig: Hey, Beardlovers. Enter coupon code on screen now
[“#nocomment”] in the comments to earn a free comment. So you… Yeah, it’s a deal. [Wheezy beard intro] So, today’s May 21st, Monday. Garfield, if you’re watching, [meows and makes cat noises] Garfield doesn’t actually talk. Those are thought bubbles in the comic strip. If you’re one of those people who has motivation problems on Mondays, here’s what you do. Drink coffee, do other stuff while more coffee’s being made, drink more coffee, do other stuff while more coffee’s being made, drink more coffee, have heart palpitations, go to the doctor, you have a caffeine overdose. Your problems are different now. Yay. Anywho. On Twitter, I asked you what kind of news stories you wanted me to wax idiotic about today and many of you said you wanted me to talk about the royal wedding. Which is interesting, because many of you said you wanted me to not talk about the royal wedding. The topsy-turvy nature of your opposing imperatives left me in an exceedingly sizable tizzy. Yes, I was flush with tizz. So I decided I will talk about the royal wedding and I will talk about the recent divorce of Jack snd Lisa Osbourne at the exact same time. Those who want to hear about the royal wedding, listen with that ear, those who want to hear about the Osbourne divorce, listen to that ear. [both lines simultaneous]
The wedding was a happy occasion.
The divorce was a crappy occasion. A joyous union of two people
A separation of two people who love each other
who love each other very much.
just kind of so-so. The outfits they wore
The outfits they wore at the ceremony were immaculate.
at the courthouse were appropriate. For the first new UK royal wedding in 7 years,
After being together for 7 years, they really made it work.
they just can’t make it work. Alas, the bride’s father could not attend,
The groom’s father could not attend, but his absence fills him with regret.
but he once spit off a head of a bat. Congrats, Megan and Harry, here’s to many
Congrats, Jack and Lisa, here’s to zero more years together.
more years together. Ah, I always cry at weddings.
Ah, I always cry at divorces. In other news everyone’s all atwitter about, Barack and Michelle Obama have worked out a deal with Netflix to make films and series, essentially doing whatever they want. Now, it’s still early stages and you probably don’t know what you’re doing yet, but, uh, just spitballing here, I know a guy who hosted Crash Course US Government and Politics on YouTube, just 50 episodes or whatever, in case you’re looking for a host of something or something. Just saying, there are people out there I know that would work for cheap, somewhat cheap. Not that cheap. And still in other news, the villain in the new spider-man movie has been announced. It’s Mysterio. And no it will not be a goldfish. It will be Jake Gyllenhaal. Ah, Jake Gyllenhaal. He’s the most famous movie star that you always forget exists. Like, when you think male movie stars, you think ooh, Ryan Gosling. Ooh Tanning Chatum. Even though it’s Channing Tatum, but the Rock, Brad Pitt, Leo! Jake Gyllenhaal, also super famous, but it’ll take me about a half an hour to get to him on the list. Excluding the mid-conversation nap, of course. Anyway, he’s also probably the most super cuddly and lovable and sexy movie star there is. Look at that beard. He’s probably also the celebrity that, if I found out he was a jerk in real life, I would be the most disappointed. But I’ve also seen the movie Nightcrawler. He’s a weird guy in Nightcrawler. And that’s probably the role that is most like me. Anyway, he’ll probably be a pretty good villain or whatever. Thanks for watching. If you like this video, click that like button or just go about your life liking things. I know a guy who once clicked the like button, won the lottery. As far as you know. And click subscribe if you’re not already. If you want to be notified of more videos, which I’m making every weekday and if you’d like to support what I do, you can support me on Patreon. Lots of lovely perks. Monthly life hang out. I punch myself in the face once a month. That’s all for today. See you tomorrow. *wink* [subtitles by the Wheezy Waiter Wiki team]