Are We Sick Of The Royal Wedding Yet? Barack & Michelle Obama Netflix Deal. New Spiderman Villain.

[singing rug]
Craig: Hey, Beardlovers. Enter coupon code on screen now
[“#nocomment”] in the comments to earn a free comment. So you… Yeah, it’s a deal. [Wheezy beard intro] So, today’s May 21st, Monday. Garfield, if you’re watching, [meows and makes cat noises] Garfield doesn’t actually talk. Those are thought bubbles in the comic strip. If you’re one of those people who has motivation problems on Mondays, here’s what you do. Drink coffee, do other stuff while more coffee’s being made, drink more coffee, do other stuff while more coffee’s being made, drink more coffee, have heart palpitations, go to the doctor, you have a caffeine overdose. Your problems are different now. Yay. Anywho. On Twitter, I asked you what kind of news stories you wanted me to wax idiotic about today and many of you said you wanted me to talk about the royal wedding. Which is interesting, because many of you said you wanted me to not talk about the royal wedding. The topsy-turvy nature of your opposing imperatives left me in an exceedingly sizable tizzy. Yes, I was flush with tizz. So I decided I will talk about the royal wedding and I will talk about the recent divorce of Jack snd Lisa Osbourne at the exact same time. Those who want to hear about the royal wedding, listen with that ear, those who want to hear about the Osbourne divorce, listen to that ear. [both lines simultaneous]
The wedding was a happy occasion.
The divorce was a crappy occasion. A joyous union of two people
A separation of two people who love each other
who love each other very much.
just kind of so-so. The outfits they wore
The outfits they wore at the ceremony were immaculate.
at the courthouse were appropriate. For the first new UK royal wedding in 7 years,
After being together for 7 years, they really made it work.
they just can’t make it work. Alas, the bride’s father could not attend,
The groom’s father could not attend, but his absence fills him with regret.
but he once spit off a head of a bat. Congrats, Megan and Harry, here’s to many
Congrats, Jack and Lisa, here’s to zero more years together.
more years together. Ah, I always cry at weddings.
Ah, I always cry at divorces. In other news everyone’s all atwitter about, Barack and Michelle Obama have worked out a deal with Netflix to make films and series, essentially doing whatever they want. Now, it’s still early stages and you probably don’t know what you’re doing yet, but, uh, just spitballing here, I know a guy who hosted Crash Course US Government and Politics on YouTube, just 50 episodes or whatever, in case you’re looking for a host of something or something. Just saying, there are people out there I know that would work for cheap, somewhat cheap. Not that cheap. And still in other news, the villain in the new spider-man movie has been announced. It’s Mysterio. And no it will not be a goldfish. It will be Jake Gyllenhaal. Ah, Jake Gyllenhaal. He’s the most famous movie star that you always forget exists. Like, when you think male movie stars, you think ooh, Ryan Gosling. Ooh Tanning Chatum. Even though it’s Channing Tatum, but the Rock, Brad Pitt, Leo! Jake Gyllenhaal, also super famous, but it’ll take me about a half an hour to get to him on the list. Excluding the mid-conversation nap, of course. Anyway, he’s also probably the most super cuddly and lovable and sexy movie star there is. Look at that beard. He’s probably also the celebrity that, if I found out he was a jerk in real life, I would be the most disappointed. But I’ve also seen the movie Nightcrawler. He’s a weird guy in Nightcrawler. And that’s probably the role that is most like me. Anyway, he’ll probably be a pretty good villain or whatever. Thanks for watching. If you like this video, click that like button or just go about your life liking things. I know a guy who once clicked the like button, won the lottery. As far as you know. And click subscribe if you’re not already. If you want to be notified of more videos, which I’m making every weekday and if you’d like to support what I do, you can support me on Patreon. Lots of lovely perks. Monthly life hang out. I punch myself in the face once a month. That’s all for today. See you tomorrow. *wink* [subtitles by the Wheezy Waiter Wiki team]

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100 thoughts on “Are We Sick Of The Royal Wedding Yet? Barack & Michelle Obama Netflix Deal. New Spiderman Villain.

  1. Hey e'erbody,

    Today I talk about a bunch of things in the news that you might or might not care about. But that's okay. I also show pictures of a bunch of shirtless men. You might not care about that either. That's okay, I also have a beard.


  2. After 8 years of Barack Obama our country as well as the rest of the world was left in an undeniably worse condition. ISIS was still rampant, The Korea situation was fucked, national debt increased by the largest margin in history, the Iran deal was a flop, various scandals within the government occurred, we became more divided than ever… change my mind.

  3. I know you hear this a lot but thank you for making this video. I've been feeling down lately and this legitimately made me laugh.

  4. They got a divorce?!?!!!
    Damn, I was just listening to the Osbournes podcast and Jack gave no hints.

  5. I love that I could actually chose not to listen to the royal wedding stuff, and that it really works. Craig is awesome! <3




  7. Honestly, I think if Jake Gyllenhaal filled out a little more and shaved back his hairline, he could play Craig in the hotly anticipated Wheezy Waiter: The Movie.

  8. If Garfield doesn't talk how does John know what he's saying? That might just be the only Garfield and Friends Cartoon series but I totally remember John and Garfield having full on conversations. It's Odie who doesn't talk, and it's also weird that he's the only animal that actually makes animal noises instead of speaking English.

    Also I don't really care about either. I'm just impressed you actually managed to edit it so that if you're listening with head phones the sound will literally only work in one ear. Though you got the ears switched from where you were pointing… either that or I've been wearing my headphones backwards this entire time… The Osborn Divorce is playing in my left ear, you pointed right. The Royal wedding is playing in my right ear, you pointed left. And since I don't care I'm just going to listen with both ears to the sound of you talking over yourself.

  9. Cool, you could watch this video twice with an earphone in one ear at a time and get different content! #comment

  10. I agree to everything you said about Jake Gyllenhaal haha!
    especially the disappointed if he was a jerk part..

  11. #nocomment I'm pretty excited to be leaving my mark on the internet today with this thoughtful and uplifting commentless comment.

  12. Yo I live in the UK, and I've heard more about the royal wedding from Americans complaining about it than from Brits or the news over here

  13. Darn you craig!!! The left speaker on my computer blew out a couple months ago and so I only use my right speaker so I could only hear you talk about the osborne divorce!!! #nocomment

  14. Here's what I think about these two things (read both lines at the same time):
    I don't care about any royal weddings.
    I don't care about any celebrity divorces.

  15. Im watching this again because I watched it the first time with earbuds that only had the left earbud working. I wanted to hear the other side of the screen yaknow?

  16. Jake Gyllenhaal might be an underappreciated hot talented actor, but he is well represented in the Movies I Had to Watch While at Work This Year genre (The Day After Tomorrow, October Sky).

    Besides, I know that lottery tidbit is fake because of the time you filled a trash can with dollar bills. You can't trick me!

  17. #nocomment….can't wait for my free comment to get here…..wait a minute….I see what you did there.

  18. This video has a WWWiki article:
    Recurring themes: Beardlovers, wink, singing rug

  19. I really liked the wedding/divorce part (even though it meant adding twice as many subtitles)! It sounds a bit like a kind of new form of poetry.

  20. OMG I love the mid conversation nap. I want to hit the like button but if i do YouTube will add it to there dumb algorithm and we'll never see Wheezy again, stay strong my friend!

  21. Hey hi you can't overdose on caffeine from coffee your body filters it out before it reaches toxic levels, see the cgpgrey vid.

  22. Ok I love the part where you talked about both things at the same time. “I always cry at divorces/weddings” had me rolling, thank you.

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